Smart Phone

I have a new smart phone. Now when I’m alone with my phone I’m the second smartest thing there. It has ringtones that I can change depending upon my mood – how brilliant is that? When my phone rings I can now annoy others with the sound of a Harley Davidson, seabirds, a duck or a doorbell. And, it has a camera that allows me to take a picture of myself or the food on my plate so I can post it on facebook. The possibilities are overwhelming – a never ending source of entertainment. For instance, it makes little chiming sounds to notify me when something happens – I don’t know what’s happening yet but when I find out it’s going to be great. Brrrrinnggg….Something’s happening … …Oh, Boy…I have a notice. It’s sort of the new-age, “You’ve got mail,” or, “You’ve got a text message, or, “It’s Happy Hour.” My learning curve is not very steep but I’ll work it out.

My phone has Siri which I think is Hindu for “another woman in my life who doesn’t listen to me.” It talks to you and, in theory, will do things for you. No, not those things - I’ve asked. Things like “Siri, is there a pizza parlor near hear?” This is what she does best: “There are 22 stores near you,” and she list them by distance from Ludlow to Lexington. “Siri, call Dorf for me” is a simple command to which she might reply, “Do you want Dorf Cell, Dorf Work or Dorf Home?” “Dorf Cell,” I try to speak nicely to her - I don’t pay her much. “I’m sorry, Tom, (we’re on a first name basis) there is no listing for Dorf Cell. Is there anything else I can do for you?” “Siri, you asked me if I wanted Dorf Cell and I said yes. You haven’t done anything for me yet.” “I understand your frustration, Tom. What can I do to help you?” “You can call Dorf Cell. And don’t tell me it’s not listed….I‘m the one that listed it.” “I’m sorry, Tom, but I can’t find a dorfsal listed. Is there anything else I can do for you?” “DORF CELL, SIRI….DORF CELL. D-O-R-F…..C-E-L-L.. D as in Door. O as in OK. R as in Rain…F as in…. go back to sleep, Siri. I’ll call himmyself.” “Thank you, Tom. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

With this new phone I can put my finger on the camera lens and it will tell me my pulse rate. It’s not a good idea to try that just after you’ve had a go with Siri.

Listen to this: I can speak into the phone; it will turn it into a text message and send it to someone with another smart phone which will convert the text message into a voice message. How brilliant is that? It’s almost like having a…oh, I don’t know….maybe, a telephone? We’ve come a long way but if the telephone call had been invented after the text message no one would ever send a text.

There are over a half-million Apps that I can get for my new smart phone, most of which are games, but there are some very valuable things as well. One entire category, for instance is devoted to Apps that will make you more productive. I browsed the category (that’s smart-phone talk) and found one for $1.99 that said: put the phone down and go to work. Very effective.

There is an App that will locate your phone if it is lost or stolen. Wonder if there is an App that will help you lose it.